Lately it's been bugging me not knowing what Jamie was. Is Jamie a boy or a girl? Thats what has been running through my mind constantly lately. When I pray to God I always say he or she, but latley I wish I could know, know whether or not I have a son or daughter up in Heaven.
We decided when we lost Jamie that it was best not to find out the sex of the baby, my husband knew that that would make it harder on me, so I respected his wishes and knew it was probably for the best. Lately I have been just wanting to know and I feel strong enough that if I were to find out I could handle it. Well I had a Dr. appt. today and I grew the courage to ask the Dr. if they knew, I was very nervous to ask because I knew no matter how strong I felt, I know it would hit my heart and I would breakdown, but I just needed to ask so I wouldn't regret not asking. So I asked the Dr. and he said he didn't know, the moment he told me I felt sad, but then my heart felt at peace. Even though we couldn't find out, It was meant to be, and I know that one day I will know.
I've been wondering about how I would feel if I were in your shoes. I think I would have asked and ignored whatever Andrew said. Haha Yes, one day you will know, and I'm really glad you felt peace after asking the doctor. God probably knew you'd second guess your decision and ask. Hubby was right all along. :)
ReplyDelete